What Janet Wreaked

Now that the participants in Super Bowl XLIV have been determined - the Indianapolis Colts versus the New Orleans Saints - CBS has revved it up in promoting the halftime entertainment, none other than the aging British rock band The Who. If this selection is slightly less than overwhelming, you can blame Janet Jackson's infamous wardrobe malfunction in 2004. To borrow from comedian Chris Rock, the exposure of a forty year old tittie has re-launched into public consciousness the careers of a bevy of aging rockers: Paul McCartney, the Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, Prince, and Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers. With the possible exception of Prince, this group was highly unlikely to go off script and expose body parts to a captive, unsuspecting audience.

Greenberg's Slip II

In response to the outcry over referring to Martin Luther King, Jr. as "Martin Luther Coon", radio host Mike Greenberg issued the lamest of statements in explaining the gaffe:

I just came home from the Knicks game and found out about the mess that was created by my garbling a sentence on our show this morning; I apologize for not addressing it sooner.
And I'm sorry that my talking too fast - and slurring my words - might have given people who don't know our show the wrong impression about us, and about me.

I feel horrible about that, because nothing could be further away from who I am and what our show is about.

I would never say anything like that, not in public, or in private, or in the silence of my own mind, and neither would anyone associated with our show, and I'm very sorry that my stumble this morning gave so many people the opposite impression.

Greenberg's Slip

The usually articulate Mike Greenberg of ESPN's Mike and Mike in the Morning, apparently has difficulty in pronouncing Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s name as he initially uttered "coon" then caught himself and said "King." Greenberg's explanation should be interesting because it is impossible to view this as anything other than a Freudian slip. The slip suggests that Greenberg has used the term before in reference to Dr. King.

A Useless Idiot

Televangelist Pat Robertson is an useless idiot with a seemingly inexhaustible capacity for uttering pure nonsense. The latest example of Robertson's idiocy is his pronouncement on the meaning of the Haiti earthquake. According to this charlatan, Haiti is being punished by God for its Satanic pact that led to independence from France. The First Amendment is a wonderful thing but some people, like Robertson, abuse it.

Teddy Pendergrass 1950-2010

Singer Teddy Pendergrass, who died last night in Philadelphia, rose to the heights of black popular music in the seventies and eighties with a string of hits -I Don't Love You Anymore, Love T.K.O, Turn Out the Lights - with a singing style characterized by a strong, passionate baritone and unmistakable virility.

McGwire's Belated Mea Culpa

Mark McGwire's admission that he took steroids throughout his career and, in particular, during the year in which he broke Roger Maris's single season home-run record should not surprise anybody. Since his ill-fated appearance before Congress, where he essentially stonewalled the issue, the widespread suspicion was that McGwire was a cheater and that he, like so many others of his generation, used performance enhancing drugs.

Wild About Harry

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.), in assessing the candidacy of Barack Obama, reportedly said: a 'light-skinned' African American 'with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one." Of course, when a public figure says exactly what he feels and then discovers it is stupid, what follows is the proverbial, lame-ass apology:

"I deeply regret using such a poor choice of words. I sincerely apologize for offending any and all Americans, especially African Americans for my improper comments.

"I was a proud and enthusiastic supporter of Barack Obama during the campaign and have worked as hard as I can to advance President Obama's legislative agenda.

"Moreover, throughout my career, from efforts to integrate the Las Vegas strip and the gaming industry to opposing radical judges and promoting diversity in the Senate, I have worked hard to advance issues important to the African American community."

Rudy's Memory Problem

Appearing on Good Morning, America, former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani said:"What he [Obama] should be doing is following the right things that Bush did -- one of the right things he did was treat this as a war on terror. We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We've had one under Obama." In Rudy's world, 9-11 didn't happen on Bush's watch, despite ample evidence to the contrary. And then there's the foiled attack by shoe bomber Richard Reid, which also happened when Dubya was in charge.

Agent Zero Suspended

NBA Commissioner David Stern has suspended Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas indefinitely without pay. Stern's action was no doubt hastened by Arenas's inability or unwillingness to comprehend the seriousness of bringing guns to the workplace. Specifically, last night during pre-game warm ups, Arenas playfully gestured with both hands as if he were shooting his teammates. The number of his jersey apparently refers to his level of common sense and emotional maturity.

The Third Uninvited Guest

Allen posing with General Petraeus.

Along with Tareq and Michaele Salahi, there was a third uninvited guest in the White House state dinner for India's prime minister - a negro named Carlos Allen, a D.C. party promoter. This dispels two popular myths in the black community: (1) That unlike white folks, there are some behavior black folks eschew; and (2) Black folks, especially black males, would be stopped immediately and detained - if not shot - for even contemplating such a stunt. I am not sure whether this is evidence of a post-racial America or simply gross incompetence on the part of the Secret Service. Nevertheless, Allen like the Salahis should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

The Evangelizing Mr. Hume

FOX News Brit Hume, who apparently moonlights as an evangelist and religious scholar, offers the beleaguered Tiger Woods unsolicited and somewhat offensive advice over his marital difficulties:

"The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith. He is said to be a Buddhist. I don't think that faith offers the kind of forgiveness and redemption that is offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger would, 'Tiger, turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world."

On Bullshit

The late Neil Postman stated it best on the responsibility of a citizen in a democratic society:

"Bullshit and the Art of Crap-Detection"

by Neil Postman

(Delivered at the National Convention for the Teachers of English [NCTE], November 28, 1969, Washington, D.C.)

With a title like this, I think I ought to dispense with the rhetorical amenities and come straight to the point. For those of you who do not know, it may be worth saying that the phrase, "crap-detecting," originated with Ernest Hemingway who when asked if there were one quality needed, above all others, to be a good writer, replied, "Yes, a built-in, shock-proof, crap detector."

As I see it, the best things schools can do for kids is to help them learn how to distinguish useful talk from bullshit. I will ask only that you agree that every day in almost every way people are exposed to more bullshit than it is healthy for them to endure, and that if we can help them to recognize this fact, they might turn away from it and toward language that might do them some earthly good.

There are so many varieties of bullshit I couldn't hope to mention but a few, and elaborate on even fewer. I will, therefore, select those varieties that have some transcendent significance.

Now, that last sentence is a perfectly good example of bullshit, since I have no idea what the words "transcendent significance" might mean and neither do you. I needed something to end that sentence with and since I did not have any clear criteria by which to select my examples, I figured this was the place for some big-time words.

Pomposity:
Pomposity is not an especially venal form of bullshit, although it is by no means harmless. There are plenty of people who are daily victimized by pomposity in that they are made to feel less worthy than they have a right to feel by people who use fancy titles, words, phrases, and sentences to obscure their own insufficiencies.

Fanaticism:
A much more malignant form of bullshit than pomposity is what some people call fanaticism. Now, there is one type of fanaticism of which I will say very little, because it is so vulgar and obvious -- bigotry. But there are other forms of fanaticism that are not so obvious, and therefore perhaps more dangerous than bigotry

Eichmannism is a relatively new form of fanaticism, and perhaps it should be given its own special place among the great and near-great varieties of bullshit. The essence of fanaticism is that it has almost no tolerance for any data that do not confirm its own point of view.

Eichmannism is especially dangerous because it is so utterly banal. Some of the nicest people turn out to be mini-Eichmanns. When Eichmann was in the dock in Jerusalem, he actually said that some of his best friends were Jews. And the horror of it is that he was probably telling the truth, for there is nothing personal about Eichmannism. It is the language of regulations, and includes such logical sentences as, "If we do it for one, we have to do it for all." Can you imagine some wretched Jew pleading to have his children spared from the gas chamber? What could be more fair, more neutral, than for some administrator to reply, "If we do it for one, we have to do it for all."

Inanity:
This is a form of talk which pays a large but, I would think, relatively harmless role in our personal lives. But with the development of the mass media, inanity has suddenly emerged as a major form of language in public matters. The invention of new and various kinds of communication has given a voice and an audience to many people whose opinions would otherwise not be solicited, and who, in fact, have little else but verbal excrement to contribute to public issues. Many of these people are entertainers. The press and air waves are filled with the featured and prime-time statements from people who are in no position to render informed judgments on what they are talking about and yet render them with elan and, above all, sincerity. Inanity, then, is ignorance presented in the cloak of sincerity.

Superstition:
Superstition is ignorance presented in the cloak of authority. A superstition is a belief, usually expressed in authoritative terms for which there is no factual or scientific basis. Like, for instance, that the country in which you live is a finer place, all things considered, than other countries. Or that the religion into which you were born confers upon you some special standing with the cosmos that is denied other people. I will refrain from commenting further on that, except to say that when I hear such talk by own crap-detector achieves unparalleled spasms of activity.

If teachers were to take an enthusiastic interest in what language is about, each teacher would have fairly serious problems to resolve. For instance, you can't identify bullshit the way you identify phonemes. That is why I have called crap-detecting an art. Although subjects like semantics, rhetoric, or logic seem to provide techniques for crap-detecting, we are not dealing here, for the most part, with a technical problem.

Each person's crap-detector is embedded in their value system; if you want to teach the art of crap-detecting, you must help students become aware of their values. After all, Vice President, Spiro Agnew, or his writers, know as much about semantics as anyone in this room. What he is lacking has very little to do with technique, and almost everything to do with values.

Now, I realize that what I just said sounds fairly pompous in itself, if not arrogant, but there is no escaping from saying what attitudes you value if you want to talk about crap-detecting.

In other words, bullshit is what you call language that treats people in ways you do not approve of.

So any teacher who is interested in crap-detecting must acknowledge that one man's bullshit is another man's catechism. Students should be taught to learn how to recognize bullshit, including their own.

It seems to me one needs, first and foremost, to have a keen sense of the ridiculous. Maybe I mean to say, a sense of our impending death. About the only advantage that comes from our knowledge of the inevitability of death is that we know that whatever is happening is going to go away. Most of us try to put this thought out of our minds, but I am saying that it ought to be kept firmly there, so that we can fully appreciate how ridiculous most of our enthusiasms and even depressions are.

Reflections on one's mortality curiously makes one come alive to the incredible amounts of inanity and fanaticism that surround us, much of which is inflicted on us by ourselves. Which brings me to the next point, best stated as Postman's Third Law:

"At any given time, the chief source of bullshit with which you have to contend is yourself."

The reason for this is explained in Postman's Fourth Law, which is;

"Almost nothing is about what you think it is about--including you."

With the possible exception of those human encounters that Fritz Peris calls "intimacy," all human communications have deeply embedded and profound hidden agendas. Most of the conversation at the top can be assumed to be bullshit of one variety or another.

An idealist usually cannot acknowledge his own bullshit, because it is in the nature of his "ism" that he must pretend it does not exist. In fact, I should say that anyone who is devoted to an "ism"--Fascism, Communism, Capital-ism--probably has a seriously defective crap-detector. This is especially true of those devoted to "patriotism." Santha Rama Rau has called patriotism a squalid emotion. I agree. Mainly because I find it hard to escape the conclusion that those most enmeshed in it hear no bullshit whatever in its rhetoric, and as a consequence are extremely dangerous to other people. If you doubt this, I want to remind you that murder for murder, General Westmoreland makes Vito Genovese look like a Flower Child.

Another way of saying this is that all ideologies are saturated with bullshit, and a wise man will observe Herbert Read's advice: "Never trust any group larger than a squad."

So you see, when it comes right down to it, crap-detection is something one does when he starts to become a certain type of person. Sensitivity to the phony uses of language requires, to some extent, knowledge of how to ask questions, how to validate answers, and certainly, how to assess meanings.

I said at the beginning that I thought there is nothing more important than for kids to learn how to identify fake communication. You, therefore, probably assume that I know something about now to achieve this. Well, I don't. At least not very much. I know that our present curricula do not even touch on the matter. Neither do our present methods of training teachers. I am not even sure that classrooms and schools can be reformed enough so that critical and lively people can be nurtured there.

Nonetheless, I persist in believing that it is not beyond your profession to invent ways to educate youth along these lines. (Because) there is no more precious environment than our language environment. And even if you know you will be dead soon, that's worth protecting.

Time Acceleration

There is an interesting op-ed in the Financial Times on how we view time by Christopher Caldwell, Time really is speeding up:

What accounts for this acceleration in time? In part it is just an optical illusion. The older events are, the vaguer they get, but things that you have lived through remain vivid. A pop song that was a hit seven years after you were born is wrapped up in all kinds of memories and associations. A pop song that was a hit seven years before you were born is part of the history you need to be told about. Particularly if you don’t read much, it gets stored in the same mnemonic trivia bin that holds the epigrams of Marcus Aurelius, the Norman conquest, the Mona Lisa, the UK’s General Strike of 1926 and “Yes, We Have No Bananas”.

But there is another way in which this acceleration of time is not an illusion but a reality. Although we organise our lives around time measured chronometrically, chronometry is not the way we instinctively measure time.

The relevant instinctual unit we use to reckon time’s passage is the lifetime – not some hypothetical lifetime drawn from actuarial tables, but your actual lifetime as you understand it concretely at a given moment.

Something to Ponder

Three perspectives worth pondering on the significance of New Year's Day:

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential.
Ellen Goodman

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective.
G.K. Chesterton

New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Mark Twain

Happy New Year

When you believe in things
That you don't understand,
Then you suffer,
Superstition aint the way

New Year's Day. Which means that I am once again called upon to perform the annual rite of visiting my aunt's house for the first walk through of the new year. My aunt believes that it is good luck for the first visitor on New Year's Day to be male and that conversely a female visitor would bring catastrophic bad luck. Don't know the origin of this superstition and cannot vouch for its effectiveness but I do it anyway despite the usual complaints. Suffice it to say, later on in the day I will eat Hoppin' John Soup - black eyed peas, collard greens, ham, rice - yet another tradition that supposedly represents good luck. Of course, I can rationalize this because the dish tastes good. Happy New Year!