Arenas Escapes Jail Time

Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas lucked out today, being sentenced to 2 years probation, 30 days in a halfway house, 400 hours of community service, and a $5,000 contribution to a victim's fund.

The Recommendation

Federal prosecutors are recommending that Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas serve 3 months behind bars for carrying four unloaded guns into the team's locker room. What is most damning about this situation is that Arenas went to extreme lengths in trying to cover-up the situation and misled the investigation.

Agent Zero Suspended

NBA Commissioner David Stern has suspended Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas indefinitely without pay. Stern's action was no doubt hastened by Arenas's inability or unwillingness to comprehend the seriousness of bringing guns to the workplace. Specifically, last night during pre-game warm ups, Arenas playfully gestured with both hands as if he were shooting his teammates. The number of his jersey apparently refers to his level of common sense and emotional maturity.